Driving Lessons
by BeyondTheClouds777
Summary: "Watch where you're going, Fullmetal ... If you can see over the steering wheel, that is." Or, the one where Ed is learning to drive, and Roy is his accomplice. One-shot.


Edward crossed his arms, golden hair tied back in its usual braid, molten eyes narrowed into slits. He glared at the dark-haired, dark-eyed man before him with malice that would have had anyone else ducking for cover.

Anyone else, other than Roy Mustang.

"Oh," Edward said furiously. "It's _you_. If I'd had known they were sending _you_ to accompany me, I wouldn't have-"

Without answering, Roy gestured to the car parked on the curb of a street. "I'm not going to enjoy this any more than you are," he said. "So why don't you make it easy on both of us, and get in the car."

Edward, with a final glare, rounded the car, yanked open the driver's door, and took his seat. Across from him, Roy pulled himself into the vehicle, buckled his seatbelt, and shut the door.

"I still can't believe I got stuck with _you_ ," Ed said.

"Just start the car, Fullmetal."

...

"OY!" Edward nearly rear-ended the car in front of him when the vehicle turned suddenly. "USE YOUR BLINKERS, FOOL! - _GAH!"_

The car behind Edward's erupted into dozens of _honks,_ which only served to make Ed angrier. "JERK!" he snapped, then continued down the busy road again.

Frankly, when Roy had been sent to accompany Ed when he practiced driving with the ambition of getting his license soon, he hadn't been too excited about it. But now that he was actually in the car with Ed, he realized just how hilarious it was. Despite everything, this was _worth it_. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Ed angrier.

"Careful," said Roy, when Edward made a particularly risky turn. "Make sure you watch where you're going. Don't hit any pedestrians. Be aware of the fact that you don't rule the road."

"Yeah yeah, I got it, okay? Whatever." Ed moaned, putting up a hand, shielding his eyes. "Or, maybe I _would_ get it, if the sun wasn't so set on blinding me."

"Put your visor down," said Roy, pointing at his own lowered visor. "That's what they're for."

Ed looked up. "Oh, yeah, you're right," he said, and he reached up, grabbed it, and pulled it down. Unfortunately, because of Ed's height, the shadow created by the visor barely grazed the top of his head.

Once Edward noticed this, he slumped in his seat, eyes narrowed as he came to the realization, and Roy put his hand over his mouth to stifle his sniggers; if he laughed now, Ed would surely kill him.

Ed, teeth clenched, said flatly, like the whole world had betrayed him, "That didn't do anything."

Roy could barely hold back his snicker, but he valued his life, so he did his best. "Of course it didn't," he said.

Ed's head swiveled around to stare at him, and his expression was a combination of shock, horror, anger, but most of all, _betrayal._ Roy mentally began counting down from three.

 _Three, two, one…_

"HOW _DARE YOU-"_ Ed began exploding, but at the last second, a whirling _BEEEEEP!_ broke the silence, and Ed floored the brakes, narrowly avoiding entering an intersection.

"Watch where you're going, Fullmetal," said Roy, and then, with a smirk that could only be qualified as evil, "if you can see over the steering wheel, that is."

"YOU KNOW WHAT!?" shrieked Ed, and then, he repeatedly banged his head against the steering wheel, right on the horn. "I-" _HONK!_ "-AM-" _HONK!_ "-NOT-" _HONK!_ "-SHORT!" _HONK!_

One of the drivers flanking him honked back furiously, which only served to make Ed angrier.

"OH YEAH!?" he said, shaking his fist. "HONK AT ME, WILL YOU, YOU JERK!? DO IT AGAIN, I DARE YOU!"

The light turned green, and Edward sped off, nearly flooring the gas pedal.

"You're going too fast," said Roy resisting the temptation to reach over and take the steering wheel for himself. "There's a speed limit for a reason, you know." He was pretty sure Ed was going to come up with a sarcastic reply, but he said nothing, eyes glued to the road.

"You know, Fullmetal," said Roy, "you're doing pretty good for a new driver, considering your feet can barely reach the gas and brake pedals."

As if in demonstration to prove that _yes he bloody well COULD reach the pedals!_ , Edward slammed down on the brake, jerking the car to a halt. Roy was flung forward, choking himself on the harness of the seat belt, but before he could lean back, Ed started the car again, and this time, Roy was flung _backwards_ , hitting his head against the headrest.

"Why you _little-"_ Roy started, but the threat died in his throat.

"DON'T CALL ME A TINY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK, YOU IDIOT! Edward hollered, sounding very much like he'd go into some freakish rage at any given moment. "DON'T THINK I WON'T CRASH THIS THING! _BECAUSE I WILL!"_

Before Roy could utter another insult that would surely only prove to make Ed angrier (if even possible at this point), loud sirens issued from behind them, and Edward and Roy froze in their seats. They raised their heads to stare each other in the eyes.

And then, in unison, they slowly turned to look out the back window.

A police car had rolled up behind them, signaling them to pull over, lights flashing ominously.

"Oh _no_ ," muttered Roy furiously.

Edward cursed under his breath and pulled the car over; behind them, the police vehicle did the same. Afterwards, Edward cut the engine and flung himself back in his seat, crossing his arms furiously over his chest.

"This is all your fault, jerk," he accused.

" _My_ fault?" said Roy incredulously, while Ed nodded fervently in agreement. "This is _your fault_ , Fullmetal."

In response, Edward mimicked Roy with his hand, making it "talk" like a puppet. Roy, deciding that Edward was, indeed, what one would call a "hopeless case", leaned back while the officer behind them got out of his car and made his way to Ed's window.

"Hawkeye's gonna kill me," muttered Roy.

" _GOOD FRIGGIN' BYE!"_ said Ed. He then mock-saluted, intentionally using the wrong hand and grinning in a purposefully, obviously fake way, and Roy reached over to smack the sassy little twit upside the head.

* * *

 **This can kind of be seen as an Alternate Universe, even though it's really not an alternate universe. It kind of has to be for it to work out, but I had the idea, and I couldn't get it out of my head, so I wanted to write it whether or not it fit in with canon plot.**

 **Anyways, I'm still new to this fandom, so I hope you all enjoyed this piece! :) And I tried to keep everyone in character to the best of my abilities, and anyways, imagining Ed drive is a whole lot of fun. :) I'm totally a sucker for father/son relationships between characters, and Roy's and Ed's is no exception, so this piece was born! XD**

 **Thanks to all those who read! Drop me a review if you fancy! :)**


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